Where Did I Go Wrong?

It was magical. After several months of dating, you finally thought you had found your “soul mate”. You both enjoyed the same food, had that whole “chemistry” thing going on, laughed at your own inside jokes, and were great together in bed. He was your “knight in shining armor”, your “Mr. Right”. You were sure he would start saying the “L” word any day now. Then, for some reason, he stopped calling. You were shocked at first, and then sad, and then angry. How could you have been so foolish? So easy? So you kept playing the whole relationship out in your mind and asking “where did I go wrong?” Wondering "what could I have done differently?" And the big question, “how could he have done this to me?” 

You remember your last “good” time together in detail -the conversation, the mood, the sex, and you question everything. “Was I acting too needy? Were my breasts too small, my thighs too big? Did I say something that scared him away? Was I not there for him enough? Was I there for him too much? Am I too old for him, or too young? Was I not good enough in bed, or am I not as good as his last girlfriend? Where did I go wrong?”  And you wrack your brain with these types of questions until you think you are going crazy.

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And as if you cannot drive yourself completely crazy all by yourself, you enlist the help of your girlfriends. So, you call them and talk it over. And over. And over. And over, until you are all tired of hearing about it. But, one good thing came out of talking it over with your girlfriends -the break up was not your fault! You are gorgeous, and intelligent, and you have a delicious sense of humor! No, it’s not you who has issues, it’s him. Suddenly the question is not “where did I go wrong?”, but “where did he go wrong?”  That’s right, he has commitment issues, and he’s just not “mature” enough for a serious relationship.  Besides, he was probably gay -he really seemed to like those romantic comedies more than most guys -and didn’t you catch him singing show tunes in the shower?   He spent a lot of time in the bathroom too –maybe he was a drug addict.  Then you realize he probably was not gay, or a drug addict, because... He was still married and separated from his wife.  Yep, married with three kids who needed him.

So then you call your girlfriends with this “breaking news” and start to strategize about how you are going to get him back.  Should you text him, or e-mail him, or call him, or show up at his work, or follow him, or have your friends follow him?  You decide not to give in because you desperately want him back, or at the very least you want to find out why he broke up with you.  You continue to think of ways to get him back, but nothing seems to be working.  If only you knew what to do.